Aesoph Group

By Christopher Aesoph, MA

     Now that you’ve celebrated your recent promotion to a supervisory role, you’re beginning to sense a down side. You find you are now analyzed, criticized, and abandoned by your former colleagues. People are treating you differently than before, right? They stop talking when you come into a room. They leave you standing alone at the water cooler. They stop laughing at your jokes, or worse yet, they laugh harder.

You are experiencing a common situation. You’ve been given power, and this makes you attractive to some people and unattractive to others. The irony of it is, you didn’t take the position looking for power. As a matter of fact, the department was doing well prior to your arrival, so you’ve tried hard to downplay your power. And yet…people treat you differently.

And well they should. Stop trying to deny it. Even though you didn’t want it, and don’t want it now, you’ve got it: power. Instead of trying to give it away, or run away from power, why not learn to understand and use it well? Here are three common responses that your staff will have to you, and to your power. Once you understand these three responses, you will be able to use your power for both the good of your staff, and the good of the organization.

Power Avoiders

People who are power avoiders will avoid you. These people have had a bad experience with power. They believe if you have access to them, you will hurt them. Perhaps they had a parent or a supervisor in the past who let them down. They see anyone with power over them as suspect. The further they can stay away from you, the better. They may create this distance literally, by not checking in with you, or emotionally, by only showing you their best side. These are people who laugh at your jokes—even the jokes that fall flat elsewhere. With time, these people can learn to trust you. They can let you see both their strengths and weaknesses, so you can truly help them grow.

For trust to be built, you must prove trustworthy. Emotional outbursts, inconsistent behavior, ego trips, and even poor listening skills will tell them you aren’t worth trusting.

What must you do to win the trust of power avoiders?

1. Listen in a relaxed manner. Don’t be listening and rushing around your office at the same time. Turn away from that computer screen when an employee drops in. And don’t let yourself compose email while you’re on the phone! Your employees can hear those keys clicking, and it doesn’t make them feel important.
2. Find three mentors outside of work that you can turn to anytime for support. Especially since you cannot afford to be perceived as favoring one staff person over another, you will need to hold the entire group at some distance for the time being. Take your anxieties and hopes elsewhere. You’re going to need those three mentors if you plan to be emotionally balanced in this situation.
3. Handle mistakes with class. This is the surest way to win the trust of your staff. When people make mistakes, do you go on a witch-hunt and try to blame someone? Or do you correct the mistake, get the group back on track, and offer comfort?  Especially on projects under development, mistakes will be made, if only because this is new territory. Without becoming sloppy, allow people to take risks, and allow mistakes. If you don’t, they won’t stray far from their current tasks.

Power Strugglers

People who struggle with power will struggle with you. Some people battle with anyone they think has power over them. Even when you approach them as a complete equal, and claim to have no power over them, yet they will struggle and challenge you, in an effort to best you. If you don’t participate in the struggle to some degree, they will overpower you, as will the rest of the staff. The staff will then tend to follow whoever intimidates them most.

Without making this struggle your number one concern, you need to set things straight. You need to claim your power, even though you may be humble and kind, and don’t really want to. This happens frequently when nice, caring people are put in a supervisory role. “I’m not going to lord this over anyone,” they think, and they honestly try to treat people as equals.

It isn’t long before the struggler in the group challenges the new supervisor to a duel. Usually, the new supervisor loses a battle or two before figuring out what’s happening. Then, to win their position back, supervisors often annihilate the opponent.

If the new supervisor knows this is likely to happen within the first few months in the position, these steps can be taken:

1. Arrive with a plan, and take charge. Do not come in claiming that you “just want to listen to what the staff needs.” This is a lowly position, and invites a challenge. You can provide a basic roadmap and still care what the staff needs and wants. Without a basic roadmap, expect challenges from all sides!
2. Be prepared to take staff aside early, to define roles. When someone seems out of line, for instance when they question your authority in a staff meeting, take them aside after to clarify expectations. If this doesn’t work, next time they question your authority within the group, you will need to respond in front of the staff. Something as understated as, “You need to get on board here,” often does the trick.
3. Don’t strike back in anger, and don’t prolong the struggle. The staff knows this person is difficult, and if you can handle this without overreacting, staff will respect you greatly.
4. Be prepared to win. Winning at times will mean your challenging staff person needs to move on. If you aren’t willing to allow this to happen, the struggle may destroy the morale of the entire group. 

Power Perfectors

People who are power perfectors are incensed by your imperfections. Because you have some power over them, these people now expect perfection. They no longer want to see the “real” you. They want to see you play your role and play it well.  They no longer want to hear your problems. They honestly think that because you are the supervisor, you have no problems. Yet, they still want to tell you their problems. That’s why they say, “It’s lonely at the top.”

This is another way of avoiding you, which isn’t all bad. Perhaps they need the structure of a supervisor to help motivate them. They don’t need a friend. They don’t even want to know who you are, really. They need to know what you expect, and they need to know you mean what you say.

Most supervisors are very caring people, and they feel shocked and betrayed to realize that often the staff doesn’t return that caring. As a matter of fact, at times it seems staff enjoys criticizing every misstep the supervisor makes. Beware of being kind to staff, thinking that kindness will be returned to you. As a supervisor, if you decide to be kind, do so out of generosity, not out of some mistaken hope that you can increase staff morale or cooperation. Power perfectors will not be kind to you, nor will they give you a break. Don’t be crushed by this truth, and don’t strike back.

Performance problems

At other times, daily problems we all face can impede employee performance. Again, your role here is to provide clarity and perspective. For instance, say you have a staff person who lives with ongoing pain. Due to this pain, they would prefer not to come to work at all, but they have to. So they arrive everyday--in pain.

It’s easy to be distracted by pain, and obviously this pain is a serious problem. They might be so distracted by pain that they appear surly to customers. This doesn’t mean you don’t show your caring and support. You can be an extremely caring person, and still demand that your staff be courteous with customers. In this case your role as supervisor sets the tone in the office for professional behavior, not your kindness.

Sharing Power

Ideally, over time you and your team learn to trust each other. When you sincerely care about the lives and success of each person on your team, and when you stand up for them when times are tough, they grow to respect you. As trust builds, you should search for ways to share the power of your role. This might begin with allowing a trusted staff person to oversee the department when you’re on vacation, and culminate in allowing your most trusted staff person to organize projects and even the day to day operations. It’s exciting and gratifying to see other people expand their talents and confidence. If this isn’t occurring in your department, chances are it’s your problem, not theirs.

In conclusion

Welcome to the world of power. No one said this would be easy. If you aren’t just a little frightened by your level of responsibility and influence every now and then, you obviously don’t understand just how complex the situation is. Your attitude and emotional balance now has an impact on the lives of others. People tend to love power or hate it. Either way, you’ve got power, so learn to use it well.